The Tournament the PGA Tour Wishes They Had

The purpose of a golf tournament is to find out who the best golfer is. It shouldn't be about who has the highest paid staff of coaches, trainers, and psychologists; and it shouldn't be about who has the best deal with a major equipment company. When I tune in to a golf tournament it's because I want to find out who can put the ball in the hole. That's why I'm proposing a new idea for a golf tournament.

First off, each golfer is allowed one person to serve as a coach for the week. The next rule is that all physically able contestants must carry their own clubs, be it on their shoulders or in a pull cart. Now, at the beginning of the week each contestant will be issued 200 dollars to put together a set of clubs. Naturally, tour officials will accompany them to make sure legitimate transactions are made to acquire the clubs, whether it's at a Fred Meyer, a thrift store, or wherever. The point is that they won't have thousand dollar clubs that were specially designed by a team of metallurgical engineers and a voodoo priest; they'll have clubs similar to what the average, everyday golfer uses. And here's the best part: for balls they are all issued a couple boxes of Top Flite X-Outs.

All these bizarre rules are necessary because the guy who can go out there with some old blades he bought at Salvation Army, a couple Top Flite X-Outs, and win that tournament is the best golfer in the field.