Impractical Hiking Food

Impractical Hiking Foods

I have become obsessed recently with bizarre and awkward food to take hiking. Usually when you get to the mountaintop the other people there are eating Clif Bars or trail mix or dried fruit or some compact, lightweight, and efficient hiking food. But let's be honest, if I'm just going for a relaxing day hike, does the marginal difference of two or three pounds in my pack make any difference? I don't think so. It's not like some wilderness race where you're trying to travel as light as possible while also packing in as many calories as possible. No, it's just a fun little walk up the hill, so why go out of your way to pack high-tech food? Why not delicious food, or, better yet, hilarious food?

My favorite suggestion so far has been mashed potatoes and gravy. I really like the image of a group of people at the summit of a mountain or out in the wilderness on a hiking trail, taking a break to sit down and eat some Power Bars, when one of the people in the group pulls a Tupperware container and a fork out of his backpack and starts chowing down on mashed potatoes and gravy. Another good one would be french dip sandwiches. Bring a roast beef sandwich and a little plastic container of au jus. Maybe top it off with a cantaloupe or honeydew for dessert. If you really wanted to up the ante you would just bring a full sized watermelon. I would laugh until I shit my pants if one of my hiking companions reached into his pack and pulled out a watermelon, and not one of those little Dulcinea melons either, but the real deal, a big watermelon.

Sadly, I have yet to try any of these as I usually just reach into the fridge and grab whatever is closest and throw it into my pack, or make a sandwich, or something boring. We had a pretty good dinner for the 4th of July today, though, so maybe if I go hiking tomorrow I can bring along some chicken drumsticks, potato salad, and an ear of corn. Shit, while I'm at it I might as well throw in a couple beers. Now that would be good eatin' up on the mountain, eh?